948. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Come on, you son of a bitch. How long gone? Sunday morning, the rain's coming down in Manhattan. It's a real shithole out there. Really? oh man it's bad dude it's you know somebody actually there's this ongoing joke online that that it only rains in new york on the weekends and someone did the actual research and it's like it's some insane percentage of weekends have like 70 of new york weekends have rain thank god you and i don't really have weekends or prescribed to that you know every day is the same baby when you look at it the right way that's what i always say um but i did have to suit up in all my gear and my fucking umbrella to go to the gym you know it's just it really is after okay you got you got your coggins guilt your uh your your waiters on to go to go ruck down to integral i had to no i i know just a regular arcteric shell but you know then i got the umbrella yeah it's just it requires it's tough to walk in text when you got the water bottle and the umbrella if you know what i mean it's just it's real it's it's commuter hours over here it sucks maybe um swing by amazon the little barber section get one of the The hoods. Little kind of capes, but that has the clear window so you could still look at your phone for navigation. You talking about when I go to the hood barbershop and they got the fake Supreme cape with the hole in it so you can text your boys? I don't need to text that bad. I was able to keep my phone in the pocket, but it's just one of those things. And you can get around Manhattan at this point without using Google Maps, right? I mean, it depends on where you want me to go, bro. I mean, in my 15 block radius, yes. If you want me to go outside of that, it's going to be touch and go.

from there okay okay no i'm trying to think now i could reasonably get somewhere but i think it's like we talk about all the time we're so google map brained that like it doesn't even occur to me to just go get on the train and go somewhere even though i i could in a reasonable sense some landmarks i think every maybe once a week Or maybe twice a month, something like that. We'll start out slow. Twice a month, you rip the condom off, and you just raw dog the streets. You know, first avenue, guess what comes after that? Second, you know what I'm saying? Just stuff like that, little hacks and tips to kind of bop around. Yeah, I don't mean to ruin it for you, Chris, but the city is famously on a grid, so you should be able to kind of figure it out. That's what they say. They always tell me it's on the grid. You know, it's on the grid. Yeah, I mean, they say it's a grid until you get some of these diagonals, and then what? But I'm saying, what is even a grid? Flat iron? What is a grid? You know what I mean? I mean... What is the grid? That's where my wife asked me if this photo of this model goes well with this photo of that model. That's what I was about to say. At this point, grid to most people only means one thing, and that means the Instagram front page. You know what I mean? That's the only thing it means these days. I don't know. Yeah, role model shirt is light peach, and that's really going to clash with Lisa's purple evening gown. I don't know if it's going to work on grid as this. Hashtag on grid. And that's nothing against your photos. I think you did such a good job creating these images. No, the pictures are amazing. Just in terms of the color story, it's just a shame how it all worked out. It's not your fault. It's their fault. Check out Bella Hadid's page. You can find some inspo there about how to lay out a grid. Is Bella Hadid on Instagram? I didn't know that. That's funny. Funny guy. No, Alex, I didn't even know. She has that? That's crazy. A famous influencer has a social media profile? A lot of celebrities are offline nowadays, so I wasn't sure. For their mental health, some people are going offline. Okay, well, check it out. It's Instagram.com slash Bella Hadid. She is a verified power user with 60 million followers. Wow, 60 million. I did not realize that. Jesus Christ. I think people sleep on Bella because she has never done it.

anything except go on vacation but I think she's She's special and we don't celebrate her enough. I think certain people celebrate her maybe too much, depending on what constitutes a celebration. Who that is, Chris, who that is. I'm not, no one we would know, of course, but I just mean people out there in the online space could take things too far. Sometimes online people take things too far. I don't know if that's something you've ever come across. I've never crossed the line in the online space, Chris. No, not you. No, no, no, not you. Of course not. Besides downloading illegal files, you're, you know, I know you're. You're squeaky clean, but I'm saying... I pay the donations on Soul Seek, all right? I don't believe that for a second. If you want me to download some shit on your website, you say, buy me a coffee. Buy me a coffee. You know, I will buy you a coffee. I don't believe that for a second. I swear to God, I donate... to file downloading websites. Now that I have my bread up, it's a thing that I take pleasure in doing. Okay, wow. So where you're choosing to do your tiny donations for the greater good is to illegal websites for file sharing. Not literacy, not homelessness. Just to make sure the money doesn't go to the artist and just to the person who's... Hosting the peer-to-peer show. Great. Okay, so you're giving a Russian teenager his 50 bucks instead of... No, the Soul Seek owner, I think it's a married couple now. It's been around for so long. These are adults, and this is their real job, whatever it is, avoiding the federal police in whatever country they're currently in. Yeah, I wonder which part of Bali they're hiding out in. I think enough time has passed where they're like the streaming... You know, ecosystem is just so far beyond fucked. And also, like, the amount of people who even know how to store files on their devices to keep is so low. You know, they make it so hard to... If you ask a random person, like, hey, where do you go buy your MP3s? They're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I was literally talking about this earlier this week because there was announced that there's going to be some new streaming service where I think it's all purchase. And it's like, obviously, it's artists first and artists are investing in it. And it's like, I imagine it's some sort of high quality file that no one should actually give a shit about. But you can buy music on iTunes or Apple still, but Spotify, do you have the option? Spotify doesn't give that option, right? Does not give the option.

And Apple, I don't even know how well. No, Apple does. I think Apple does because that's how Apple started. You know what I mean? And also people complain because the Apple file type is worse. Oh, I see. It's like super compressed. I only know this from like Joe Budden talks about buying. They all buy music because they think that really is putting money in the artist's pocket. Capone and Noriega are getting their 20 cents off or whatever. But he's like the small minority of people who actually require an MP3 because he has his little Serato out and he's playing his drops and his songs and he needs the MP3. It's true. Who else is like, you know what? I have my iPad. Besides my father-in-law, I don't think anyone. I don't think anyone. Who's going to go on Amazon? I used to go on Amazon and I would buy an MP3 for $1.99 because I'm playing a wedding or something like that. They want that song. Either I get 50 songs on Amazon Music and the user journey of that is abysmal. They couldn't make it more difficult. You have to start over every single time. Or I could take that $50, go to SoulSeq, and download, you know, WAV files, FLAC files, 320s. all perfectly lined up, ready to go. I mean, the money is still going in the pocket of the wrong person, but I understand that if you're going to spend money, you would like to get a better value for your dollar. I want to give the money to my peers out there on the ground. I know that the Macarena needs to be a flack file at every wedding, but I think... I do love the irony of downloading the horror illegally every summer season. Well, look, they got enough money is what I've heard, so I don't think... Oh, come on! Sorry, sorry. I'm talking about Amazon. I'm talking about Amazon. Sure. Yeah, I don't think that... No matter how much the music business who has destroyed the artist income themselves want us to buy, it's just not going to happen. There's no way. In TJ voice, you can't put that toothpaste back in the tube. You can't all of a sudden expect people, even people with good conscience who love music, who buy tickets and buy merch and support artists, you can't expect them to all of a sudden be like, you know what? Instead of streaming every song that's ever been created for $12 a month, I'm going to pay $12 per album every week for what I like.

It's an impossible proposition. And the world is trying to make us not own anything at all anymore. Your homes, your property, your cars, your devices, whatever it is, we lease our iPhone from an evil corporation and it's impossible to buy a home and no one is buying cars anymore. that's the hard stuff to tackle making mp3s you know rentable and not downloadable they've been doing that for decades now and it's really not it's not never going to be reversed make mp3s rentable again you know that's what we gotta really some strong stuff i mean this is this is going to be the future of like doomsday prepper motherfuckers gonna be like yeah But you wish you had this hard drive full of Steely Dan classics. You're going to be. They ain't got that on YouTube, brother. Oh, they do? Oh, fuck. Actually, they do. Most of them live. Yeah, I was pretty interested in this, you know. Donald Trump's been really getting his shit off lately, and he was, I don't know if you saw where he was lusting after a man pretty openly in a way that I feel like I have not, I mean, from a presidential, from the president of the United States, I haven't seen this kind of flirting. publicly in in maybe ever the sheer simpery of at all i don't think j edgar hoover was doing this you know i mean i don't think i don't think richard nixon was commenting on a on a football player's thighs that's just my guess look at the quads on this one no he um i think people are learning that because he's he you don't have to like read between the lines and figure out what he's thinking he says it in a way that only like a child or a demented elder will do Kind of like when you walk by and a kid's like, that lady's fat. And you're like, don't say that, you know? Yeah, it is like that. It really is like that. He just comes out and says like, I don't like guys that are good looking, but I do like guys that are very buff and muscular. I mean, look. He's not threatened by somebody who's really buff because in his mind, he could become, you know, Chud the Missile.

the performance-enhanced swimmer if he just did the work. It's like Lizzo, like, I can lose the weight. You won't be ugly forever type mentality. It's amazing to say... call a guy first of all jackson j-a-x-s-o-n which is one of the stupidest names that has ever been i mean you know that sounds like out of the womb and they're like okay so are you gonna do girl guy porn or is it just the guy porn like how like jackson it's a porn star name jackson dart is an only fans handle before it's before it's a name but he called him a beautiful guy and then complimented his physique describing his legs as being quote like tree trunks unquote but then he This is the best part. Then he used Jackson's size to argue about... against transgender women competing in sports. That is one of the most insane pivots. You're literally lusting after a man's thighs, and then you're using his size. This is all very confusing. So what was his angle with Jackson Dart's body? Quarterback of the New York Giants, of course, did his time over at USC in Ole Miss, but how does him and his 6'3", 22-year-old hairless body, what does that have to do? I don't know. I don't know exactly. And I don't think, I mean, I think he doesn't know. Trump's like, I don't know how, but we got there. Just enjoy it. Yeah, just enjoy it. I was just reading that being like, damn. Thighs as big as tree trunks is a very, very specific. That's not something you just pull out of your ass. That feels like something he said before is what I mean. I think other guys have gotten this sort of lust from DT. What word do you think he uses to describe the thighs of a lady? All right. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

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using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. I don't think he's looking at lady thighs, Jason. That's the whole thing. I don't think he likes... I think he likes a woman. He likes a large thigh on a guy, but not so much on a lady. I think he probably likes women to be pretty, you know what I mean? But then they're more Barbie style down below the neck in his mind. Okay. I'm looking at photos of Jackson Dart. I've never seen him. He does the black, you know, where they put the little... black face paint under their eyes to cut down on the glare he does a single kind of gator tail coke line of black just down one eye so and then by the end of the game it's all kind of smudgy and all over the place and it looks like he also wears a fat ass chain though Like a diamond heart necklace that his sister gave him. But no, I mean, I'll take the single smear over that single smear being a cross, which I've also seen before. So at least he's not. I mean, he's clearly religious. I mean, it's pretty crazy for the quarterback of the New York football giants to simp. simp for Donald Trump that hard publicly. That's like kind of insane. Is he doing the simping? He's simping. I mean, I think in this case, yeah. I mean, he didn't need to do that. You know what I mean? Like he did not need to introduce Donald Trump at a rally. It wasn't like they won. Oh, okay. So that's what happened. Okay. I didn't know that. Yeah. It wasn't like he was invited to the White House because he did something good. You know what I mean? He didn't win best little mullet. So Dart was like, I'm going to come out and introduce the goat. Yeah. It's like Caitlin Clark getting in trouble for doing the walkout with Morgan Wallen. They're like, we knew it. We knew it. We knew all along. You know what I mean? It's like, okay, relax. It'd be so cool if Trump brought out the Samoan nose tackle instead of him. He's like, not who I wanted. Guy, look, we had to deal with some availabilities. This is what we had. This guy's thighs look like a tree trunk, parentheses derogatory. Yeah, somehow it's bad now because there's hair on there.

I do think Trump likes him hairless, though. Trump wants a Troye Savant-style, you know, otter in that sense. He wants him bare. So I guess that means what he's saying, he's low-key sending a shot to Jackson saying, like, you know, body is T, but, like, face is, you know... You're not hot enough to threaten my masculine identity, which is, that's got to hurt to JD. I mean, I think JD at 20. Jackson Dart, that's the JD he wishes he had. JD, Jackson Dart as the quarterback of the New York Giants at 23, just looking at him, I can tell he's dumb as a rock. Look, I don't have any test scores. I don't have anything to base this on. Maybe he's super street smart. Who knows? I assume he's kind of been coddled his whole life because he's got a cannon on him. Jackson Dart graduated from Ole Miss with a stellar 3.7 GPA. He's a businessman. You're telling me a star athlete graduated from college with a high GPA? I'm sure the teachers were really hard on him. I'm sure he really had to study to take his team. tests and stuff he was frequently named to the chancellor's and dean's list as well as the sec honor roll for his excellence both on and off the field oh i bet he i bet he's excellent on and off the field there's no question there and jackson i've obviously i've never met him i've never seen him play but i i assume he's i assume he's a genius as well as a great athlete i mean speaking of athletes Enemy of the show, Travis Kelsey, was at the game last night sitting courtside to watch the Cavaliers with the Knicks. And this is something that I, of course, didn't notice because I'm not fully abreast of his investment portfolio. But he was able to slow motion drink a beer on the Jumbotron twice. And it is a beer that he owns. I was stunned that he was able to bring in what seems to be his own beer, unless they sell it at the Garden. It seems to me that he brought his own beer into his stadium, which if, you know.

If the kid Miro tries to, they're putting handcuffs on him, they're taking him fucking to Rikers. Do you know what I mean? So I just want to clear that up, that it seems like there's some white privilege going on here. Very good point. Mom Donnie tries to bring in a little bit of that home-cooked, you know. Biryani Baja Blaster Bowl. No, no, no. We're getting nose tackled on the floor. Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift obviously get escorted in. They're taking a different entrance. They have security, etc. But are you saying to me that you don't see one of these beer cans bulging out of his Jacquemus slacks? Is that really possible that we're looking at the other? I think he probably had his crew. contact you know msg personnel his red cup boys he had some of his you know some good old red cup boys and he he you know somebody made a call and said hey travis He wants to come sit courtside at the game with this girl, Taylor Swift. Is that okay with you? And then, you know, they clean all the cum up off the floor. But there's one thing. He's going to bring in a can of beer. And they're like, I don't fucking care. He can shoot a minority. I don't fucking care. So I think he did that ahead of time. You can't buy just a standard, you know. happy dad style can of beer at stadiums nowadays it's either it's like a 27 dollar modello tall boy that's served in a stupid plastic cup or you know you can't just get like a 12 ounce can of beer at a stadium i don't think so that that okay this is good information because as a as a non-beer drinker and a non-stadium goer unless it's, you know, Zach Bryan in Salt Lake City. I didn't know that that was the case. So you're saying that beers now, because they're trying to charge so much, they got to give you a tall boy. They ain't going to stick you with the little, the regular ass. Well, it's either they get a tall, I mean, this is just how it is and where I've been, I don't know how it is and, you know, in other parts of the world, but it's mostly like in a plastic cup, just like a beer cup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The single can, you know, you don't see just like a 12 ounce Budweiser aluminum can sitting on the floor. You ain't just breaking one off of the sixer. Yeah.

Because, you know, the thing with Travis Kelsey is I know that every time he gets a six-pack for him and his brother to spoil the show, he does kind of ceremoniously cut the plastic holder into pieces to keep the dolphins safe, which is something that I wouldn't have expected from him as kind of a meathead. Okay, I looked up. The beer is called Garage Beer. Okay. Beer flavored beer is the tagline. And it's the kind of beer that white people can drink in their garage. Is that his tagline is beer for white people? That seems crazy. That seems a little intense even for him. No, no. The garage that they're painting is Caucasian coded, we will say. But it's also kind of like... There's a little hand-drawn DIY aesthetic. Do you think he knows what DIY means? I don't think he does. To be fair, he's like, no, I fucking hate DEI. What'd you say? Now that you're pointing yourself... Do it yourself, yeah. I'll fucking deport him myself. Spending time in the garage is extremely white guy stuff. You're right. I don't know any black guys that have turned their garage into a space, a third space for them and their homies to hang out. Be like, yeah, we had to move into the garage because my wife said we can't do the giant Jenga game inside because it's too loud. Black guys never said that in my life. No, they're too cool for that. They're leaving that for Travis Kelsey. But I'm impressed with Travis. And I'm impressed with Taylor Swift for allowing him to get his little promo on in a moment with her. Because I think usually he's used to his fiancée, Taylor Swift. stealing the spotlight, you know, kind of all eyes on her type shit. And she said, you know what? At the sports game, we'll let you, this is kind of your zone. It's an away game for her, pardon the pun. And people are saying that she, quote unquote, her face card didn't get denied last night. And then when I saw it, it looked like she had maybe had just a quarter of a bar of Xanax to put up with this. She looked a little, the lids looked a little low, if you know what I'm saying, TJ. Let me pull this up. Taylor Swift, Knicks game. I mean, it's going to be.

be hard to you know look at anything except those fucking bangs but yeah she's sort of I mean, she looks like an American girl doll. She has the type of makeup, not to go full fucking cunty mode, but it has the type of makeup where everything just looks like a two-dimensional thing. Like when you see a photo of Hawaii where there's no shadows for like 10 seconds out of the day and everything looks like a NBA 2016 video game. Anyway, I think you would have to take a Zan, take half a Zan to go. Just hang out with Travis Kelsey courtside. If I got a two and a half hour, let's say two and a half hour front row at the Knicks game, I've put on a fit. The hair and makeup team has left. Travis is wearing a flat build snapback. He's wearing a Don C fucking snapback. He's got a Mitchell and Ness. And it's the kind of burgundy red cap with a white snakeskin. That's a Don C. ripoff then. Don C. is the OG of the snakeskin build. Give it up for Don C. Ben Edgar, I know you're listening. Give it up to Don C. This could be a piece from the C. collection. Who knows? Because he's wearing the hat backwards. So in all the photos, the only thing I can see is... Those two special words, Mitchell and Ness. Shout out to Mitchell and Ness. That's the OG. All my jerseys are Mitchell and Ness. You know that, Jason. We don't fuck with no fakes. None of that fanatic bullshit, right? Oh, no, no. We ain't with Michael Rubin and the food guy. The microplastics in there gotta be something. We ain't doing all that. We are not doing all that. But yeah, I thought it was it. I finally found the hat. It's an interesting, it's an interesting, those two, just, it's something special every time they appear. You know, and it's nice. It's tough because at a game, game all eyes on you obviously you know people are excited about the game but when there's celebrities this level in the front row They can't relax. All eyes are on them, truly. Like, oh, sure, you know, whatever. Other celebrities are there, but, you know, Joe Budden and Ish and, you know, fucking Fat Joe and Jada Kitt aren't getting the same eyeballs, let's say. Jason Bateman is not even getting the same eyeballs as Kelsey and Taylor Swift. So there's nowhere to hide is what I'm trying to say. And also the Knicks haven't got this far into the finals or the playoff season in some time.

time so these you know the like you said the the jaw rules and the jewel santanas of the world they'll you know they'll buy a little three thousand seven thousand dollar ticket you know a nice little game but like i saw the the floor seats for the finals that i have not started yet. First two seats on StubHub have sold for $279,000. Kiss had a good year, but I don't know if he's going to buy a $280,000 ticket. The juice bar in Bed-Stuy ain't that good. The dividends ain't that good. The hat that Travis Kelsey was wearing was a... Cleveland Cavaliers snakeskin build cap to pair with the stonewashed Louis Vuitton denim short sleeve shirt. That shirt is... Bro, I wouldn't use that as a sweat rag. That shirt, I wouldn't clean. I wouldn't fucking check my oil with that shirt. It's almost as if somebody, the designer at Louis Vuitton... Was like, all right, and now I need to make a shirt for Travis Kelsey. And only Travis Kelsey. Just only Travis in mind. And then they only make one. And they sell it to Travis. And that's just what happens. It's part of the deal. It's a one of one. It's an exclusive. It's like when you talk about the tennis rackets. Yeah, the pro model versus the... Look regular, but it got different guts inside. Yeah, yeah. What's going on with Pratt, bro? Look, I was in LA for like a full week. Saw a lot of Spencer Pratt for mayor yard signs. I saw a lot of interesting people. in our kind of zone supporting him versus not supporting him it feels like in our kind of zone well it's always funny when you see who supports someone like this who's like obviously a dumbass but like you know I get that he represents quote unquote change to some people and if he's running simply on the basis of

My house burned down and I hate homeless people. You can get a lot of votes that way. Unfortunately, you can get a lot of votes that way. And I said this to you, and I might have said on the podcast, I might have said it when we were hanging out IRL, but in some ways, a reality star mayor is sort of what LA deserves because you have birthed these monsters and now they've come to roost. And how can you deny them their rightful place? It all does make sense. It is truly a Sophie's choice of who to pick between these three candidates in Los Angeles. You know, I don't know if anyone in their right mind believes that Spencer Pratt will be a great politician. But when you compare the other two people who can't really, you know, form sentences, they don't have a platform to argue. And Spencer's just saying like, hey, my... Do you have a kid who lives in Los Angeles and do you think it sucks that every day you go to drop your three-year-old off at school? You know, there's a guy spreading his asshole, you know, somewhere in front of the drop-off zone. Do you think that's bad and you want it to stop? And he's saying that and the other two people, they can't even say it. It's like when they try to ask DJ Khaled if he can say free Palestine. And he's like, what is the, okay. That's how you die on the line. And that's, that's why you're going to get Spencer. My question is, why aren't these candidates going on? You know, it's like, why are they not going on no jumper? Why aren't they going on the places? Why aren't they going? Like I need Karen Bass and Spencer Pratt on no jumper debating the issues. You know what I mean? No, no East side rag, no LA material. None of this cool upper crush shit. I want them. Karen Bass, one 900 rug rat. I want them at the whole lot of cough syrup store on Melrose fucking having it out. Because this is, they're not actually getting to the, they're not getting, the people, I don't feel like they're touching the people. You know what I mean? I don't feel like they're touching the people. It's all still. Spencer is, Spencer had a barbecue in South Central like three days ago.

Wow, okay. This is him posted up at the cookout, just building. Okay, that's impressive. Karen Bass is over at Great White having her third fucking chai, her third iced chai. Actually, no, the pizza's good, but do you guys have gluten-free options, or is this the whole menu that I'm seeing right now? Nathia's doing the cauliflower crust. Spencer's over here saying, what did you put in this mac salad, brother? Oh, goodness gracious. This is spicy. Can Heidi have a plate? I'm just kidding. Heidi doesn't eat. Come on now. First lady of Los Angeles, the first thing you got to do is get the little shot. Come on now. Let me get a plate surgically installed into my cheekbones. Yeah, I don't know how this is going to go. But I mean, Karen Bass is winning. So in the in the she is, she is. But it'll be it'll be a debate between two people. So there's three people who are in the lead. And then in June, they'll do, you know, they'll do the preliminary thing. And then it turns into the top two, regardless of of what, you know, Democrat, Republican or whatever. So it looks like raw man is going to be left in the dust. And then by the time November comes around, Spencer could easily. change those poll numbers and flip it. Also, what I do like about Spencer is that his idea of dressing up is he wore like a suit with vans, which is the most California guy thing. I was like, you know what? I respect this because this speaks to his constituents. He's dressing exactly what the people who are about to vote him into office wear when it's time to go to a dodgeball game, a funeral. costco whatever it is wearing all black vans old schools with a suit and thinking that that passes as a dress shoe it does is is the most california if you evacuated your home because of the garden grove chemical fire you that's what you wear that's what you wear to your kids graduation

No, I know, bro. That's what I'm saying. I'm giving him props. I'm serious. That is literally like him putting on a tie would be crazy. It's like, dude, you can't. No, this is it, bro. You have to dress like you're going to the weenie roast. That's California. That's the culture of California. You have to respect that. Look, I like it. I think it's cool. I mean, I want him to lose, obviously, because he's dumb as a rock. But I think that also, to be fair, I want to be honest. We were approached by having Spencer Proud on this podcast. Of course, I did my best effort. And they just said maybe not this time after they approached me. So I want to be clear about that. I would not. I would, of course, give him a platform to speak, much like Zoran Mamdani, who we gave a platform to speak, and he rescheduled and chose to do some other podcasts instead. You know what that says to me, Jason? You know what that says to me? Scared. Yeah, afraid of being asked the tough questions. Exactly. Taking the easy way out. Yeah, you want to take the easy way out. You don't want to answer any of these hard questions. You don't want to go toe-to-toe with real political pundits. You know what I mean? You'll go on CNN. You'll go on MSNBC. You'll go talk to Sam Fragoso or whatever. Charlie Rose. You don't want to come on How Long Gone and talk about what they're selling at your local grocery store. You know what I mean? I find it really interesting. The price of indica is too damn high. Yeah, these politicians are scared of us. We want to talk to Spencer Pratt about how many pull-ups he can do, and he's running scared. And I just think that's it. You know where they don't ask the hard questions, Jason? At the barbecue in South Central. They're not asking any hard questions over there. They ask questions like, did you eat? How's parking? They're asking questions like, who is this? What time is the game on? Is it five? Pacific time or it's a five? The hardest line of questioning has definitely happened over there. I also want to talk about Stephen Colbert, RIP. his reign of terror is finally over. And I saw some interesting facts going on online, which was pretty, honestly, this is stuff I kind of know, but I think when I'm seeing it laid out, the budget for the late show with Stephen Colbert was 100 million per year. It had a full-time staff of 200 people and was reaching only 2.7 million viewers on average.

on average, an average night during the final quarter on there. So 100 million per year. Colbert is the most watched late night host. Jimmy Kimmel has a linear audience of 2 million. While Jimmy Fallon draws by 1.3 million. Jon Stewart on The Daily Show reaches 900,000 to 1 million. which more than doubles the $400K that watched when Trevor Noah was a host. So Trevor Noah, shittiest late-night host of all time, which is an eye-opening, not total surprise. Kimmel earns $16 million. Fallon earns $16 million. Stewart makes $25 million. How does Jon Stewart with the lowest-rated show make $25 million a year? I think everything was going well for a while, and then we all realized. I mean, I just looked up. other TV shows with $100 million annual budget. It's an older show, but, you know, HBO's Westworld, Amazon Prime's The Boys season one was $100 million. And these are shows that are, you know, not number one in their time zone, like number one show period on television. Yeah, but also it ain't a guy sitting in a studio. Do you know what I mean? These are like giant productions. I'm not here to pocket. It's not 37 neckbeards riding. I'm not here to pocket watch. I'm not trying to go fucking Matt Bellany mode. I'm just like, wow, when you see it lined up like that and the actual economics of it, you're like, this really does not make sense. And it's really tough to argue. I mean, the meme that the AI meme that Donald Trump posted is unfortunately one of the greatest things I've ever seen. Of him throwing... Colbert in the dumpster dude it's just it's so it's to go unbelievable to go back to Spencer Pratt everyone was like oh Spencer Pratt he's becoming the you know he's he's taking Trump's playbook and he's going to use that for you know the LA race not for the country So he's in Trump's nachos in terms of the style of it. And then he's like, oh, he's making AI videos and images the way Trump is doing it. And now I think that Spencer has become the AI video person. Like that's how he's truly going to win is because he makes dope videos that are fun to watch with awesome soundtracks that just really hit you.

And I think Trump is like, fuck, I got to start stepping my game up because Spencer's on my tail. So I think Trump is being influenced by Spencer already. And we're months away from him even, you know, knowing if he's going to make it in office. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions, but how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do all our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative, but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept quote unquote donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money.

Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early, and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. Head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. late night battle I don't think it was won by by Donald Trump I think it was uh I think it was the people giving the answer and that's what I think that's what's so funny is that like it has nothing to do with outrage has nothing to do it's people just don't watch it because they don't give a shit and I think that's what and you can chalk that up to a million different reasons of course like whoa TikTok streaming Bob you know whatever but I mean to make those guys losing corporations millions of dollars into a cause is very strange to me because I think it's like it's easy to blame the president because he's an idiot and he's a villain and he's loud about it but like I'm pretty sure it's a numbers issue I don't think that it's I think we can make anything political we want to but it sounds to me like you're losing us so much money and there's no upside at a certain point, we are a business. And I know that everybody that listens to this podcast hates businesses and wants them all to fail. But, you know, sometimes you got to let people do the work and keep the lights on in their house. It doesn't make sense to me. And it sucks for all these people who thought that this was going to be a viable career option for them where they can just go get hired by a TV show and work there. But then you're like, oh, I'm on a show. And, you know, it's an Apple show or it's an Amazon show. These shows that are owned by, you know. the richest people in the world the biggest companies in the world and you go and you're like damn i finally made it and the writer's room is trader joe's snacks and you know that we don't we ain't got the spin drift anymore we got you know and it's just you know the working conditions are better on the fucking adam friedland show or whatever than they are for you know a television show that's on a network that's worth tens of billions of dollars

I mean, we both grew up watching late night to some extent, you know what I mean? Or at least, you know, it was still a thing that made news. And now the only news it makes is when, you know, Jimmy Kimmel's crying about something or Stephen Colbert's... making me uncomfortable dancing with david byrne and the lamest possible display that one could ever see and i'm just like man what about if you just came out and were funny like i don't know i just i'm like if you just come out and tell a good monologue and you have guests and the musical guest is good like i don't know that if that doesn't work then maybe maybe we're in trouble because that to me is a is a great the way that is supposed to work is great And did for a really long time. Yeah. You know, it worked forever. Yeah. But I mean, everything kind of comes and goes. And, you know, it's like a car that's a stick, you know, manual transmission stick shift car. At some point when they're like, oh, we're not going to sell those anymore. And we're not going to use those anymore. You know, when we're kids in the 80s and 90s, when they phased them out, it seems like an insane thought at the time. But now you're like, yeah, why would you ever drive a manual transmission when you can just do it this way? Why would you ever? hire 3 000 people to make a tv show that gets you know less reviews makes less money than you know fire denver or whatever it is they just shit out fire you know denver fire is what's paying the salaries of all these guys to write you know little definitely quips about the uh the white house speaker outfit or something like that you know at a certain point they're like well fucking hassan piker is over here getting more eyeballs than Stephen Colbert. And it's just him turning a button on in his bedroom and hanging out with his dog and a porn star. Yeah, I mean, nothing I'd rather do more than watch Hassan Piker scroll the Essence sale for two hours. I'd rather watch that than... No, I mean, I do think it's... I'd like to see what Trump thinks about Hassan Piker once he gets a good look at those thunderous thighs because maybe he would reverse the federal subpoena.

That was thrown on Big Pike. The problem is Hassan Piker's Issey Miyake shorts don't grip quite as tight as Jackson's. That's the problem. Hassan's wearing quote-unquote big shorts, which are popular this summer. They're very popular this summer. Hassan's on the red carpet dressed like Ray. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Definitely. Hassan Piker is definitely in Naomi Osaka's fucking plate in terms of wardrobe. Oh, 100%. There's nothing worse than a man in a big pair of fucking shorts. I know it's a thing. They need to do a reverse queer eye on Hassan Piker. They need like seven gay guys to go into his closet and be like, okay, we have to throw all the Vivian Westwood blouses away. What if you wore a t-shirt? There's a picture of him walking his dog and he's wearing like... white vans and regular shorts and a carhartt long sleeve shirt and people are like oh my god right this is it exactly i'm like yeah dude he's he can he can look straight if he wants to he just wants to wear a little jewelry all the time I don't know, because I went to Secco in Silver Lake because my friend John Sunyer was visiting from London. He was staying down the street, and he could walk there, and you and I, we were going to quarter sheets after. So it was like it made sense to meet him there. Nice, great little east side bang bang. He had a few pints. I had some sparkling water that the guy had to go get from the restaurant next door. But I was sitting there, and I was like, all the guys that work at this place. are having sex every night of the week with a different chick. They're all wearing the worst outfits I've ever seen in my life. And it made me feel older than 99% of things make me feel. I was like, this guy's wearing George down to his knees with cowboy boots and a mullet and earrings and bracelets and jewelry and rings and little tattoos and a tank top under this. I'm like, you look so stupid, but this is what works. And at some point, I'm like, all right, man. Do you? I can't hate. How can I hate? If it's working, it's working. These guys are hot, too. That's the problem. They're good looking. And they don't look like they work out, but they have the physique of somebody who does. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. These guys are not... They're not...

The look feels so, I'm trying, you know, it feels like you're having to manicure that little mustache. That doesn't grow like that. You're spending a lot of time in the mirror, but these guys are pulling, they're making money. They probably have, you know, they're probably doing okay in their little, whatever their little side hustle, selling vintage on the street on Sundays or whatever they do. My friend and I, we actually redo Forerunners, like from like 93 to 97. No, it's cool. You can take it camping. You can actually live in it if you need to. Well, I had a little coffee lunch chat with somebody a couple days ago, and he is also involved with a wine bar that's kind of in that same zone. Hipstery, Flava, young people, but you see it at the coffee shop, everywhere. If I go to the coffee shop in my neighborhood, which is just, you know, Armenian guys, seven series beamers, fully, fully blacked out, windshield, the whole thing. You go into the coffee shop and every guy working there is wearing a crop top, big pants. They have little stick and poke tattoos. They look hot as straight guys, hot as gay guys. Their hair looks like, you know, there's like salt and stone tonic. you know on the neck and just like they're fully done up and they've infiltrated everywhere and they they operate and act as if i don't need this job because i live at home or whatever my parents pay for something this job is just like my audition to the world this job is my editorial no that's true i'm auditioning for the next big thing i'm gonna get i'm gonna get chose and that's it's a trope that la service workers have had for decades since before we've been alive that There's no such thing as serious servers, waiters, bartenders, whatever in L.A. because everyone isn't taking their job seriously because they're just, oh, I'm not a server. I'm just waiting for Michael Mann to call me to be in Heat 2. Not my guys at Commissary in Burbank. Look, all those guys are in bands. Not all of them. You're right. All those guys are in bands that sound like Blink-182, but somehow they're nice and professional. But I know what you mean.

disappointed with the service and i don't mean sexually i mean like they're you know like the service they do a good job they're good at their job they're friendly they're relatively time to flip that that uh ipad uh tip screen around they don't look they don't look at all they don't make you feel weird at all but but it was just a funny thing where i was like damn and then i'm you know i'm walking down the street to get back to my car and it's just more of them everywhere it's like a zombie apocalypse of these type of guys and i'm like are they gonna come suck my blood and beat me up for not wearing jorts with fucking tabby loafer am i safe here like i don't feel safe that's that's the thing they they they feel like they could attack me at any moment you know i think what you have to do is imagine them what what what what's going to happen to them when they're our age because you know yeah people would would might look at us at 22 yeah you know tatted up parading down the boulevard and be like oh fuck you know what is this oh we definitely look so we definitely look stupid too i think it's i think us looking stupid in our our younger days I think the difference was we weren't... It like... Now, everywhere I look online, there's this awful girl on Twitter that tells guys how to dress. You know what I mean? And it's like she's telling them to dress like that. When I look at Instagram, it's guys telling other guys how to dress like that. When we look stupid, we were just guessing with our eyes closed. You know what I mean? At least we were doing our best to look like some guy we'd seen in Heart Attack. You know what I mean? It wasn't like it was some corny girl in Austin being like, you know what? You can actually do this for cheaper at Everlane or whatever it is. It's not like, that's the difference. It feels like a real choice and it's a beast that's feeding itself where I feel like we were just, we were making mistakes, but at least we were just fucking, you know, sticking our hand in the closet in the dark and trying. Yeah. And I guess back then it was very, you know, people were a lot more afraid of quote unquote looking too gay. True. We had the metrosexual, you know, which was sometimes used as a derogatory term, sometimes not.

I think now everyone is sort of, since they are all auditioning for the role of their lifetime, they can't afford to not try and appeal to every demographic possible. So that's why everyone is just everything and nothing and all good. And I don't want to say anything bad about someone or do something that somebody could take a picture of me and ruin my career as the host of. you know a singing competition i just was i mean i just it was it was unbelievable really it was it was unbelievable um but i you know i i was able to make it i was able to make it out alive and no one jumped me for wearing sambos or whatever you know i was able to i was able to to to bob and weave as it were and these are people who they also have the energy or the of the attitude that you know in addition to this not being a job that they want to do or care about because their their band is about to get signed to dirty hit it's more so like like oh like i'm here to like do you guys a favor by look by looking this way yeah like don't really expect me to actually do the work i'm not like I'm not like a dishwasher or anything like that. And don't get mad if I smoke or vape on the job kind of thing. Or if somebody's like, what's good here? And you're like, dude, I like this one. I like this small plate. Which sardine is actually good? Is there one of these that is more filling? But then you go to New York over to Levodore and you get a career server that just makes you feel like a small child nuzzling into their mother's teat. for the first I mean it is it is a pretty major difference I would say I mean you know that being said I'm not in LA I'm going to places where the service is air one you know so it's like whatever I it doesn't really matter it doesn't really matter to me the only service you do at air one is yell at a guy to not give you $87 worth of kale less short ribs less short ribs yeah that's it that's my only that's my only battle I look I've been in

I've been front row. We talked about this a little bit when we were at dinner with Fred, but that trip, that Satisfy Adidas trip I went on to Arizona has become like this insane hotbed. of arguing in running culture it's torn the community apart dude which is funny to me because as a not a member of running culture i was just sort of like i don't know i had fun whatever but it's been this whole thing about like authenticity and how brands show up and this and that and this and that and i'm just like unfortunately it's a classic nerds get a life situation well i think this comes for every sport where there's the rise of it where suddenly you know some corporate money decides to to jump into it it's ironic because running is the oldest sport in the world it's not like oh here comes the seven up money trying to up you know inline skating vert or whatever it's you know these are this is an established thing so it is it's strange to have like bro you can't take running from us and like like running is punk like you got to keep it like running has been the around for so long well it's not even they're not mad at adidas they're mad they're like this is stupid and this is not punk or whatever you know what i mean and i'm like mad at the branding of it all I'm like, look, the Circle Pit is not a good name. I don't love that. But I do think that the guy, look, the guys that I know that work at Satisfy are heads that were at the same shows you and I were at, but in Europe. And I'm like, dude, what's the guy's, how does he prove to you that he saw Earth Crisis in 97? And then I'm realizing that like, you don't know who that is. Like, I don't think the people that are mad about this even understand what they're mad about, kind of. Speed listeners. Well, I'm like, if it's, what does authentic really mean? If this is his culture. and he's paying drain and one step closer, more money than they usually get paid to play a show, that's pretty cool to me. I got the answer. I mean, I don't know. I got the answer. Because this type of thing has been happening for a long time. For decades, somebody who works at a brand or a magazine has the cool underground rapper or the punk thing perform this thing and get him a little bag and it's cool. And maybe you'll see a little video of it on someone's vlog, some cool pics from it.

And that's why it worked. I think the problem is once you have KPIs and deliverables and things that a producer person has decided that if I'm going to spend this much money on this, I need to have this much of a, you know, my ROI has to. So this event would have been great if it was just happening, but once you have a strategy for the clip rollout times, the drone shot's going to be here. And now we're going to have this interview where it's like, dude, what's your favorite top five? Once that happens, then you start hearing high-pitched noises in your brain if you're cool. But that to me is like, I don't know, dude. That's like the world we live in. like i don't know that's that's what everything is i don't really i think that's the thing is like if you don't if you don't go to like this or to me it's like I don't care what the rollout looks like. If the band got paid and they normally wouldn't get paid that much and they were treated well, I don't know. Who am I to fucking say? You don't want your little thing that you know about. My cool underground hardcore band that only gets this many views a month and this many things and this running brand that I use to separate myself from my friends who are not cool. As soon as social media... you know, add by algorithms, push that into everyone's face. Now this cool thing that you love and protect is now known by everyone and you just lash out. You're like, oh, this is bullshit. Now my fucking dorky cousin knows about this. Now I have to find a new independent running brand. There's a guy who's dedicated to making memes about it. It's only about this, which is funny. And some of them are really funny, but it becomes to a point where I'm like, they're reaching a psychosis level. You know what I mean? Where it's like, dude, it's not that serious. it's an adidas collaboration they did this thing they had some punk bands play sure maybe some of it was corny maybe you didn't like it or whatever but the way that people are mad is like something's different it's something weird it's like when when like a news thing comes out and back in the day they do like one of those youtube things where they make it an auto-tune song you're like this motherfucker spent like

Like two weeks making this. Maybe we need a job. Maybe we need different priorities. We hate on things. All we do is hate on things. And I see how you could think this is corny or say it's corny or whatever. But after like a week of like discourse, it's like, dude, what are we talking about? Like, what are we like? Dude, you either there or you weren't. You liked it or you didn't. Like, you can't let this is keeping somebody up at night. Like, you got to run 100 miles this week, bro. You need your rest. You know what I mean? You can't be doing this. You can't be doing this, bro. We got to move on. Honestly, I was shocked because I was like, oh, some of this is not for me, but I was there and it was fun and everybody's cool. It wasn't that big of a deal to me, but also I guess I understand. I don't know. I at least understand hardcore and what was happening as far as that goes. But like, that's not the issue. The issue is people like, this is so corny. This is the worst thing I've ever seen. And it's like, oh, you've never been to a brand activation. You know what I mean? Because if you think this is bad, then you should really check out some stuff that happens every single day. I'm usually too ugly to be invited to those things. So yeah, this is a little shock. Yeah, it comes for every industry. I mean, no industry is, I mean, it's like, that's what we do now. This is how brands spend money. This is how we experience. things like it's it's for better or worse that's just where we're at culturally yeah let's let's do some quiet luxury versions of brand activations for these cool interesting emerging independent ish brands we want to protect them we don't want to but what's interesting about this particular case and i can't speak for everyone but there was no that no one asked me to do anything There's no story to be written. There's no picture to post. Nothing. It was just like, yeah, come hang out. Just like when you go to the airport, they don't even make you take your passport anymore because they're scanning you with the fucking retinal 3D shit. It's like, you own my image. That's fine. Do you need me to post anything on the, not even stories? And they're like, no, you're good. Trust me, you're good. And then you wake up the next morning.

You got all these shit posted on your grid. They use claw to hack into your shit. How'd you get my blood type, bro? That's crazy. I didn't tell you anything about what kind of blood I got. I didn't tell you nothing about that. They're like, hey, Chris, tell your sister's kids. I said, what up? What the fuck? How do you even know that? Adidas? What size are your nieces? We'll get them some products. Do they still go to Shortyville Elementary? Yeah, that's what I thought so. Yeah, no, we don't need your address. We'll send everything over. Yeah, but the other thing that's breaking as of yesterday, there's a big New Yorker story about strangers. And now it's saying that there's some lies or some things were omitted from the story. And it's like... He was giving her $600,000 a year in child support. When you say strangers, you mean the book. The book. The Bell Burden book. Because I was like, Stranger Things? What are you talking about? That is a hit. And now there's a New Yorker story that's saying he was giving her, the ex-husband was giving her $600,000 a year in child support until the kids are 22. She had a private beach. key on Martha's Vineyard worth $450,000. Man, this sounds just like Pete Davidson's chick. But my thing with that is, like, I'm sure all of this is true, and it is crazy the publisher didn't look into this stuff before they did it. But also, like, I don't know. It doesn't make the book any less good to me. Like, the book was so good. Like, if some of that is untrue after I read it and enjoyed it, like, I don't necessarily care. But I think... People just really love a gotcha. I still enjoyed Santa Claus knowing now that he's not real. When I was a kid, it was dope. I'm just sort of like, guys, when people tell, I don't know. I'm just like, if the story is good and a few things aren't right, I can live with that if it was that enjoyable. But I guess people aren't okay with this. They really want everything to be perfectly factually correct in a book that's not about them. Yeah, everyone has their line of where it's too far. And I think you and I are on the same page, no pun intended, You know, a recounting of actual events has, you know, 10 to 15 percent. A little zhuzh up on some of the deets. I mean...

If it makes the story better, and I think some people are like, 15%, that's insane. Some people are like, hey, I'm going to get a little Botox, get my brows down. They're like, you fucking fake punk. You fucking liar, you bitch. But I also think the money part, because she's obviously rich, and that's part of the story. She comes from a lineage, but I feel like the book was more about... the abruptness that he left her and the surprise. I don't, the money part is, is part of it, but that wasn't like the crux of the book to me. Like that is not the, that's the sexy part in some ways. So it's like, he left me high and fucking dry with only 600,000 a month, but she wasn't really, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm remembering it wrong. She never, she didn't mean the money. She just never said, she just never said she was destitute. Like that's not, that wasn't the, the, the story that was not part of the, the story was more like emotionally destitute. Exactly. But I mean, the story was more like I came home one day and this guy was like, I'm leaving. And that was it. And it was we'd been together 20 years and had these kids. Like, obviously, the money plays a part in it because the money plays a part in everything in our lives. But that wasn't the to me, that wasn't the main takeaway from the book. No, I agree. And so I guess I guess Bell Burden's man was like. You guys don't know what it's like being married to Bell Burden. Her last name is that name for a reason, y'all. The best part about the husband, there's a part where she like, when they're getting divorced, where she figures out how rich he is because she didn't really deal with the finances. And it's fucked up. It's like a lot of money. It's sick. She's like, yeah. And then I was looking at the papers. It was like, yo, what, bro? You made how much money? Like, what? I didn't take care of the bills. Shorty sees different papers than other people. Yeah, yeah. But you don't become a millionaire by spending all your money. You become a millionaire by putting all of your wife's properties in your name. Exactly. Everybody knows that move. Everybody knows that move. No, no. It's both our house. We just keep it at my house.

No, no, no, no. That's my PlayStation. We just share it. It goes back and forth. Like, I bought that shit. That's my PlayStation. Yeah, you're welcome. Oh, shit. So your boy, Drake, now that we've had enough time to sort of process and sift through his breadth of work, some lyrics are popping up that people are enjoying. One of them from the song Goose and the Juice. Do you know what that means? I don't. I have no idea what that is. Goose in the juice meaning, is it a Joe in the juice reference? I hope not. It refers to drinking Grey Goose vodka to gain emotional juice, a.k.a. courage and openness. Okay. Required for a late night alcohol-fueled conversation. Great. The only kind he has. Okay. So he's juice up on the goose in this line. it's quintessential drake pettiness that only a toxic gay guy like drake could say the venue that your wedding is at has some shady reviews i saw this so he's so he's saying that to a woman that has moved on is remarried to another man the wedding has happened and now he's saying like, oh, you're a little venue. He's venue checking. I saw your little venue. I saw your little venue and it looked like I heard people saying it was crap. I think it's funny. I think this is great stuff. That's the botanist you went with? Wow. This is the great, this is great stuff. This is why we need Drake. This is hilarious. This is so good. Because if it is true that he is like a criminal kingpin and controls a vast gang network throughout the Pacific, through the great Northeast. And he's taking the time to make songs that are like little like club bops for the girlies where he's like talking shit about your girl's wedding venue. Like get you a man who can do everything. I'm saying. I'm saying. Everything but look straight. I've seen a few. I mean, look, I got to say people, the thing where he went in the car with the dad who sings with the daughter after school every day.

That was, that touched me, man. That really, I was like, damn, this is so smart and so cool. And every comment is like, oh, hell no. I wouldn't let that pedo next to my, I'm like, you guys, you guys do not like give me a fuck that you see touched her arm. He touched her. I'm like, he touched her arm because he, she didn't know he was in the back seat. And he like, what are you talking about? Like, you guys are crazy. What did I say? I said, you know, he got the daughter's snap. I mean, that's funny. It's so crazy. That's funny because you're saying it. These people are dead-ass serious. These people are dead-ass serious. Like, guys, this guy and his daughter have sung Drake songs after school for like two years. Drake showed up surprised. Did they sing the N-word too? No, they don't actually. She's good about that. He bought them a brand new Escalade. Drake's not even allowed to say it. Yeah, he brought them a brand new Escalade and showed up and did the thing with them. That's just funny. And he looks happy. I'm just like, guys, you got to stop, man. And to circle the square, let's compare that to Travis Kelsey. Pulling a warm, shitty beer out of his pocket. And then, you know, stopping the NBA finals so everyone can look at him drink a beer. Or it's like, you know why Kendrick Lamar can't do that? Because nobody sings his songs. Because nobody's singing. No kids like his music. Nobody likes his music. Nobody's singing along. So Taylor and Drake, they're sort of the same person. So in order for Drake to... whatever rehabilitate his image from being a pedophile he needs to get himself whatever the equivalent of a travis kelsey is he needs to get a dumb check he needs to put a ring on sexy red to really endear him to the community i don't think that's out of the question i think we're gonna look back on that p the pedophile thing and be like this was one of the dumbest things like that is it's just so It's so insane what that word means and now what people think it means and how it gets thrown around. It's actually criminal what Kendrick Lamar did to that word and its meaning. Because now people don't actually know what it means. Because it's only for little kids, not for teens like how Drake is into. Exactly. That's exactly what I'm trying to say. And I'm saying, we got this all fucked up. We got this all fucked up. I'm saying, Kendrick Lamar. But I'm saying. I think I stole that line from a book. Nobody's seen.

Nobody sings Kendrick Lamar songs. No, no kid. No, no. Kendrick Lamar songs don't bring anybody joy. And that's the problem. You know what I mean? That's the, that's the problem. And if they do bring them joy, it's a barbershop full of dusty old men. And that's just not, nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. I just Googled. I asked who the, the female versions of Travis Kelsey are, you know, for somebody for, for Drake to date. It's going to be, it's going to be a WNBA player. We got Angie Reese up top. Knew it. Knew it. Okay, we got Meg the Style. Oh, that's a pretty... But she already dated Clay, and she's out of the game. I think she's out of the game right now. He couldn't do that. Lori Harvey. Lori Harvey's dated. Lori Harvey belongs to the game, so that's very possible. Tiana Taylor. Okay, she's clean. She's divorced. Yeah, if Drake and Tiana Taylor dated... I think that would complete everything because she would cuck the fuck out of him. She would get him on the straight path, stop fucking around. Imagine her abs talking to his abs. Oh, man. Damn. That's an ab off I don't want to have. The jokes don't stop between those two. Yeah, yeah. Drake, start dating Tiana Taylor. Tiana Taylor, let Drake into your life and rehabilitate this broken man into the person that we need him to be. This is not a bad idea, dude. This is really not a bad idea. I think it's working. Because we're all a little annoyed by Tiana Taylor right now, too, because she just won't stop doing everything. She really does do everything, but that's fine. People go through phases. I'm sure it'll be quiet for a little while. It's a ship night of awards ceremony speeches. Every award show gets her. And shout out to, lastly, this podcaster named Stephen Bartlett, who's going viral because he said a few glasses of wine ruined the next three days of his life. End quote. I got worse sleep. My dopamine system and cortisol was messed up. And I podcasted worse. That's why men shouldn't drink wine. That happened to you the other night too, remember? That happened. This literally happened. It's true. Men should not drink wine, of course. But also, if your podcasting gets worse when you're hungover, you're a fucking bitch. That's true. But men should drink. What should men drink? Beer?

And vodka and tequila? Tequila's a little feminine, in my opinion. I mean, look at our biggest podcast, you know, our fucking Shane Gillis's of the world. These guys podcasting, selling out stadiums. He goes on his podcast, shows a testicle shooting out of his fucking... chubbies shorts and he's hungover as fuck and he's he's making three million dollars a week doing this fucking podcast hey he's hungover from beer and shots yes he is not there is no way the shane gillis is like oh do you have any bubbly reds do you have any He's hungover because he drank too many beers the night before when he sold out where a 70,000-person football stadium. I'm telling you, that's the problem. This is actually something we got to unpack. We don't have time today. This is a guy who's letting his whoop strap control his life. You guys got too much data. You're drinking wine. You're doing shit that men shouldn't do. Data is not for us, honestly. Unless it's making you money. Like all this stuff. I mean, you heard about the guy that got caught cheating because a chick was weighing herself on his smart scale. Oh, shit. Who the fuck is 127.3? That's literally what happened. That's literally what happened. That's literally what happened. God, that's amazing. That's what I'm saying. For the smart technology, this ain't for men. Look what it's doing to you. Look what it's doing to us. Yeah, if you want to track all this shit, this is the same type of person who's like, oh, I'm going to get a COVID test. I really believe this, and I've said this before, but if you look at a sleep score, and it's bad but you feel good then you decide that you feel bad because of sleep it's like that's psychos that's insane you can't live like that you cannot be tagged you cannot be like tethered to the data in that way it just seems so unhealthy to me it seems so crazy no i've when i've tracked my sleep the few times i did and it's like oh you got a really bad sleep score You wake up and you're like, today is going to fucking suck. Yeah. You don't even decide for yourself if you feel bad or not. It doesn't, that doesn't work for me. That doesn't work for me. It makes everything you do bad. So that's, yeah, don't look at it. Just keep doing drugs. Nobody's deciding if I, I'm the only one deciding if I feel like shit or not. Okay. I'm not going to let data influence that myself. I'm not going to let data influence that. Which is, and we're going to get off now and we're going to watch the enhanced games where.

they're doing cool stuff but unfortunately it is a little too data driven it is um so it is getting a little too brian johnson-y because we just want to see roided out people and you know Chicks on Adderall just destroying world records. That's what we want. We don't want Brian Johnson being like, oh, his oxygen O2 blood cortisol levels are at 7.4. This is unprecedented. I want a guy that looks like a boulder flipping over tires. That's what I don't want to see. I don't want to see any of that shit, dude. Take that oxygen. I see a guy fighting a car and winning. I don't want to know about. Take that shit somewhere else, bro. Take all that data somewhere else. All right. How long gone? Thank you for listening. We'll be back next week with even more podcasts. Don't you worry. A new episode of How Long Gone Today is in the pipes and will be with you soon. It's going to be our Eyes Wide Shut. I think that's it. Change the game. I think that's it, TJ. I think that's it. I get to go in the rain, get to go to a birthday dinner tonight at... Mission Chinese. I'm having a big Sunday. Happy birthday, Alex. Happy birthday, Alex. We love you. Happy birthday, Alex. The first lady of how long? The first lady of Gong. Golly. All right. I'll send over you the total of birthday spin just so we can compare. All right. Love you guys. Have fun. I'm going to watch sports and smoke some weed today. And then maybe we'll order some goop. Who knows? Have fun with your whole little thing, though. Whole little thing. When the world is gonna end, no hope for anything. Yeah, we're walking on a runway that goes straight to hell. Nothing's gonna save us, no music, fashion, or film. Spring, summer, 26. When the world is gonna end, no hope for anything. Yeah, we're walking on a runway that goes straight to hell, I know. Stitch Fix. Stop shopping. Get styled. Not today, sweatpants. Somebody's wearing jeans that fit. Wow! No photos, please. I'm just a regular dad who happens to have a stylist. I really look my best when someone else makes the decisions. Hey, we can all see you two-way mirrors. Just share your size, style, and budget, and your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. Stitch Fix. Get started today at stitchfix.com. I want to hug you. I'm going to hug you. I'm coming in for a hug.